The Erosion of Relationships: The ABC’s That Cost Leaders Time, Money & Credibility
There are 3 major pitfalls every leader must know that prevent strong working relationships.
By Jayson Krause, Managing Director of Level 52 & Author of The Science Behind Success
Developing strong relationships in business is critical to success, yet many leaders struggle with doing it well. Most have good intentions but get swept up in the rapid pace of getting work done and they allow little things to erode their effectiveness. Those little things become a disease that end up costing leaders time, money and credibility. Far too many leaders don’t take the time to solve, or even better, prevent the avoidable issues that end up causing their biggest challenges.
To create context, let’s travel to the bustling streets of a small town in Hungary in the 19th century. Imagine the jingle jangle of horse-drawn carriages and the rumble of wooden wheels over cobblestone. We swoop into the lab of a doctor named Ignaz Semmelweis.
In the 1840s, health science was not what it is today. A devastating disease called puerperal fever was taking its toll as the primary cause of death for childbearing women. Dr. Semmelweis obsessed over this problem and eventually found what seemed to be a slightly intuitive yet repeatable solution.
His findings should have been celebrated as a revolutionary discovery.
Instead, they were laughed at and considered heresy because they were in conflict with the medical profession’s beliefs at the time. In fact, his solution was so offensive to his peers that they ostracized him from their social circles. He was considered too ‘simple’.
What was the crazy suggestion that was so offensive? Semmelweis found that doctors needed to wash their hands—a very simple thing that could yield significant results. It wasn’t until Louis Pasteur discovered the germ theory in the 1960’s that the medical profession realized Semmelweis was right all along.
While most leaders hope for a magic bullet to fix their problems, meaningful leaders do the little things that make the biggest difference. But how do you know what those little things are? Start by examining the ABCs that lead to the DEFs.
Assumptions + Beliefs + missing Context = Dysfunction, Erosion and Failure.
Assumptions
Everyone makes assumptions. We all know we make assumptions, and we know assumptions are bad. Yet, the status quo and commitment to pace still have you falling victim to assumptions and their consequences. You assume people know what you want and understand what needs to be done. You communicate with vague terms and make nebulous requests that take unnecessary time. This creates unnecessary frustration that leads to unnecessary fractures of trust. Assumptions are drag and debris that lead to disappointing results.
Beliefs
Your beliefs are important. We all have them. AND they’re also exactly what can get in the way of discovery and strong relationships.
When you make your own experiences the ‘truth,’ you only accept ideas and solutions that confirm your current beliefs and biases. Validating your ideas is more important than the exploration of new insights and learning. This blindness erodes relationships and puts them at risk.
Mark Twain nailed it when he wrote, “It’s not what you don’t know that will hurt ya. It’s what you know fer sure that just ain’t so.”
Unless you self-manage your current beliefs and explore the beliefs of others, people will stop coming to you if you don’t listen. As Andy Stanley said, “Leaders who don’t listen are soon surrounded by those who don’t speak.”
Context
There’s a saying that if content is king, context is the kingdom. Too many leaders focus on the content of their communication and miss the ‘buy-in’ opportunity that context provides. Context creates the grounding purpose, the big “why” behind your actions, behaviors and initiatives. The absence of context opens the door for the drag and debris caused by assumptions.
A few years ago, I was working with a leader who was promoted into managing the largest asset in his organization. He had a lot of experience and a proven track record but was new to the team. He was very driven, and despite his good intentions, he created a lack of trust right out of the gates.
A technical expert with little leadership training, he was used to delivering results by solving problems. So, he gathered data and developed a solid plan. In his mind, he was doing the right things.
His intention was to take the first three months, connect with people, extract their thoughts, and analyze the situation before making significant changes. A solid plan. Only one thing was missing–he didn’t tell anybody that’s what he wanted to do. He missed providing them with the context driving his actions.
As a result, people noticed his inaction and started formulating opinions:
“He’s in over his head.”
“He has no idea what he’s doing.”
“He’s not cut out for this.”
A little thing that could have made a big difference would have been to openly share his style and intentions. Instead, he had people guessing. In the absence of information, people will always make things up. In this case they did, as a result of missing context.
The good news:
You can get ahead of unnecessary friction by developing awareness around the assumptions you make. Then, clarify them with those you work with.
You can develop strategies to examine your beliefs, park your expertise, and enroll your team-members in robust discussion to prove one another right.
Finally, you can alleviate a lot of unnecessary disappointment by framing things the right way. By creating context around your work preferences, leadership style, and expectations, you minimize the unproductive narratives that create obstacles for you, your team and your work.
The starting point? Look at all the little frustrations you have with the people you work with. Ask yourself: “In what ways have I infected this situation?” It’s usually as a result of things you either did unsuccessfully or didn’t do at all.
Taking responsibility for the little irritations to the large dysfunctions—means you can take the steps to fix them. Oftentimes, it’s as simple as washing your hands.
Learning how to engineer strong relationships quickly is one of the many things you’ll learn in our award-winning Accelerated Leader Programs. Elevate your impact and engage with the struggle of becoming a better, more meaningful leader. Make next year the best year of your professional career by saving your spot in one of our programs.
