How Leaders Can Demonstrate Empathy Through Artful Interruption

By Jess Robinson Lychak, Director of Learning & Program Development

Creating connection is a human necessity. In an organizational environment where we are constantly being stretched to do more with less, move faster and dance to the beat of the pandemic pivot - the way you work with people will always make the difference between realizing success or succumbing to a slow walk of shame. Creating connection takes time, but in this article, I am going to show you that short circuiting conversations can not only create connection but demonstrate empathy and compassion.

Leaders who don’t listen are soon surrounded by people who have nothing to say.

Let’s disrupt a possible misconception of what creating connection can be…

Creating connection can include interrupting another person.

Let that sink in.

Connection is created through deep listening and being present. Empathetic listening is the ability to step into another person’s shoes and point of view, to truly understand their experiences. Empathy is intensely tested when that other person’s shoes are disagreeable to us – perhaps they’re communication style rubs us the wrong way, or we think they’re inept or worse… not a good person. If we can still understand THIS person – then we are truly practicing empathy.

Understanding the other person sometimes means we need to interrupt them. HOW you interrupt, of course, is everything. In my travels supporting leaders with conflict and communication skills, here’s what I have learned is most important.

There is high risk in practicing interrupting – if not done well you will have unintended impacts. If you are unconsciously interrupting based on being stuck in your head (listening to fix, solve, advise, teach), it will very quickly lead to a psychologically unsafe conversation. Interrupting and completely hijacking the conversation will erode all the trust you may have built. Leaders create crickets in their meetings by doing these things unconsciously.

Interrupting is an art form.

Communicating is one of the most challenging things we do as humans and so you are bound to be confused when you are listening to another person. Asking for clarification in real time will promote common understanding. You can support people’s development by taking a stand for clarity and understanding.

Here’s how to be artful in interrupting:

• Clarify your intention when interrupting – if it’s a positive one - people will let it go quickly.

  • “I am going to pipe up and make sure I’ve got this right…”

  • “Can we stop for one second – this conversation is moving fast, and I want to make sure I understand your point of view…”

  Do this authentically and so that it sounds natural coming from you.

• Our brains are wired to make mental mistakes and jump topics like ping-pong balls. Clarify the connection between thoughts when you find yourself confused by what the other person is saying.

  • “We were talking about X and now we’re talking about Y, can connect those two for me?”

  • “How does Y connect to X for you?”

  This is a great skill because it assumes that the other person has made connections between seemingly incongruent thoughts, and you’ve simply missed them. This keeps the power dynamic between you balanced rather signaling that the other person is a squirrel and can’t focus. Use this one in meetings too when people are going off on tangents.

• I like what listening expert Oscar Trimboli shares about not interrupting someone mid-thought or story. I know that some people communicate like a tidal wave, and you’ve got to literally hop on a surfboard between breaths and take any small opening you can. You might try a gentle non-verbal nudge that you are trying to speak up such as opening your mouth and raising an eyebrow or raising a hand. Doing this with curiosity is key.

• As a leader who is invested in others, if someone you care about is self-deprecating or letting their Self-Critic run the show – you will want to interrupt this as well. You might add in curiosity to ensure the other person doesn’t feel judged.

  • “I want to interrupt - from here it sounds like you’re being very hard on yourself… what’s happening for you?”

  • “I want to stop to check something out with you. Let me see if I can summarize your point of view on this properly…”

  When people hear their Self-Critic’s voice repeated back to them, it can be helpfully disruptive.

• Take a stand for equal airtime in your conversations. If one person dominates the conversation continually or takes over meetings – you will need to artfully interrupt. In this case you’ll need all of your best verbal and non-verbal cues.

  • “It’s important to me to hear from everyone and so I’d like to redirect us…”

  • “I want to make sure we hear diverse perspectives and thoughts on this. Who wants to play the devil’s advocate here?”

Interrupting enhances our ability to be empathetic listeners and like any art form – practice is required.

You can practice the art of interruption, accelerated connection and other powerful tools in the award-winning Accelerated Leader Program here at Level 52. New cohorts and rapid growth launch in April.

(My favourite expert on listening is Oscar Trimboli, author of Deep Listening & Breakthroughs. Check him out on LinkedIn.)