Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Dealing with a Narcissist at Work

By Jayson Krause, Managing Director of Level 52 & Award-Winning Author of The Science Behind Success

You probably don’t want to hear this, but we all have a touch of narcissism. It's that little voice that whispers, "You're special. You're better. You're the fairest of them all." But when that voice is amplified in a colleague, boss, or employee, it can make for a challenging work environment.

So, how do you deal with a narcissist?

Here are some strategies, grounded in concepts from my book, the Science Behind Success.

1. Understand the Beast: Narcissism is a complex trait, often rooted in deep-seated insecurity. Understanding this can help you depersonalize their behavior. It's not about you; it's about their need for validation.

2. Set Boundaries: Narcissists have a knack for pushing boundaries. It's important to establish and maintain clear boundaries about what is acceptable behavior. This isn't about being confrontational; it's about protecting your space and your sanity.

3. Don't Feed the Beast: Narcissists thrive on attention and validation. Don't feed their ego by engaging in their games or getting drawn into their drama. Keep interactions professional and focus on the work that matters.

4. Practice Emotional Intelligence: Narcissists are experts at pushing buttons. Take on the challenge of exercising emotional regulation and try not to let them rattle you. Stay calm, composed, and in control. This isn't about suppressing your emotions; it's about managing them effectively.

5. Focus on Solutions, Not Personalities: When dealing with a narcissist, keep the focus on tasks, projects, and solutions, not the personalities. This can help prevent discussions from devolving into unwinnable ego battles.

6. Seek Support: Dealing with a narcissist can be draining. Don't go it alone. Seek support from trusted colleagues, mentors, or a coach. This isn't about gossiping or complaining; it's about getting perspective and advice to make sure you’ve got blindspot coverage yourself.

7. Own Your Inner Narcissist: Seriously. Accept it and forgive it. As soon as you can, accept that somewhere, your inner narcissist plays the same game. Once you do that, you’ll likely remove some of the burn once you forgive yourself for the same heinous activities you villainize in others. 

Dealing with a narcissist colleague can be challenging, but it's not impossible. With understanding, strategy, and a good solid look in the mirror, you can navigate this tricky terrain with grace and resilience.